From the Genetic Alliance (11.10.10):
Please join me and the Miller-Mechem family (see Jenni’s notes below) in remembering Paul Miller, a great friend and fighter for social justice. Also, I encourage you to extend your own invitation to anyone you think might appreciate receiving it.
Memorial services for Paul in LA and DC have been finalized:
Sunday, November 14, 1:30 pm,
Los Angeles
Westside campus of Wilshire Boulevard Temple, 11661 West Olympic Blvd (at the corner of Barrington) in the Marcia Israel Chapel.
Sunday, November 21, 1:30 pm,
Washington, DC
Adas Israel Congregation, 2859 Quebec St NW (at the corner of Porter/Quebec and Connecticut Ave NW, Cleveland Park metro stop)
(From Jenni) The girls and I will be traveling to both services and look forward to seeing friends and family in both locations. Please let others know about the services, especially if they are in the LA or DC areas and might not see this CaringBridge update. Many people on the east coast are traveling down from New York and other locations to attend the DC service. I will post it on Facebook and several people will distribute the info to various mailing lists.
Paul was a member of the Wilshire Boulevard temple for many years while he lived in LA, and counted Rabbi Steve Leder among his most trusted friends. Steve may not remember this, but he gave us some advice that both of us returned to many times, long after the disagreement that prompted it (we both wanted a second child, just on dramatically different timetables). He said that what decision we made was far less important than how we made the decision – that if one of us got our way by pouting or strong-arming or wearing the other down, it would erode the fabric of trust – but that if we were able to really listen to each other’s point of view and consider what was best for all of us, whatever decision we made would be the right one in the end. I’m sure you can read the same thing in any number of pop-psych books or negotiation manuals, but the way he said it really stuck with us and enabled us to get beyond that deadlock. From then on, we would be reminded of that whenever we argued, and it always helped us get back to a place of love and respect. So Delia owes Steve big-time!
For the last two years we were in DC, Naomi and I were at Adas Israel nearly every day for the Gan HaYeled preschool. Many of my warmest memories of her early childhood are in those classrooms and the huge downstairs room, or at family services in the sanctuary. Some of our closest and most enduring friendships were formed with other Gan families. That was our first experience of what a community of parents and children looks like, and how it can transform the experience of living in a neighborhood. It was also our first experience of what being in a Jewish community meant for us as a family rather than as two adults. When we moved to Seattle, that’s why we sought out the JCC on Mercer Island for preschool – we wanted that same engagement and spirit, and more than found it there. We have many good friends at DC’s Temple Micah where we were members, but were delighted to accept Adas Israel’s offer to host the service.
Once again, I want to thank the many people who have called, emailed, facebooked, sent cards or letters or checks, brought food, worked on the yard, brought gifts for the girls, and most of all, just been there for us and listened with love. Yes, it's unimaginably hard and I keep thinking Paul will be back any day now from some extended trip, full of stories and eager to play with the girls. But he won't, and that's the hardest thing of all. The girls seem to be coping well, and I'm trying to give them as much attention as I can.
A number of people have sent or posted links to more obituaries, which I will collect into a journal entry shortly.
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